I created this website when I felt like I had been introduced to this new phenomenon that I absolutely had to share with the world, or at-least my world. The magical phenomenon named Gratitude, and all the wonders it brings with it namely abundance, joy, inclusiveness, etc. It was amazing ; this feeling of sharing my knowledge with the ones I love. As time went by more and more stories of gratitude and abundance came to my doorstep and everyone that was connected to me. Then I stopped. I put an ultimatum on myself, that the next time I publish, something magnificent would have happened in my life that would be worthy of sharing.
That. Was. A. Bad. Idea. Incredible moments have been happening everyday, every moment in my life!
I turned 30 this week and I had an emotional breakdown every day this month leading up to the big day. I felt like Joey. Then last week I decided to stop and take stock of my 20’s.
20 – Freaked about about wrapping up my bratty teen years, wrote an entry in my diary, hoping and praying for lots and lots of opportunities for me to grow into a better person, and all that had to happen in 2 years.
21 – Left home. Left my family and friends. Left all the things and places I loved. Left the amazing land of temples, my city – an incredible haven for vegetarian foodies. Came to Canada after fighting and surviving battles with lawyers, banks and universities.
21 – Day 2 in Canada, the university said my admission didn’t really go through or get registered and that I was scammed. Ummm.. what? I got a loan and my permits all based on that! Had a mental breakdown, more fights with the agencies back home.
21 – Day 10, found my missing file and was registered officially as a Master’s student. The journey began then – exploring this Great White North, looking for touristy things to do with fellow humans. Not a day went by where we didn’t go for a ride just cuz, play cards, board games, travel, eat, and everything but! Study. However, 4 days before the exams, you would not have found me anywhere. I would be hiding in the library cramming as much information as I could so I could vomit it on the papers and purge my brain!
22 – summer. Oh man, can we get over this student life already and just… GROW UP! Not knowing what that really meant, took over 3 courses in summer and finished my masters pretty much that year.
23 & 24- Canadian Govt. rejected my application for a work permit as they said Masters’ takes at-least 2 yrs to finish. You don’t get a permit to work because you finished it in a part time timeline (?!?@!#$!???). Hired a lawyer, worked in farms and motels for 4-5$/hour. Finally got a technician job and started learning programming and troubleshooting machines and robots! Then got laid off in 6 months
Saved up some cash and started fighting for my permit. 10,000$ and 8 months later got a permit to work only for 1 employer. *Sigh* Rolled up my sleeves, worked my ass off for less than minimum pay, bit my tongue for over 2 yrs and cried almost every other night to sleep. Fell sick, real real sick, got some procedures done.. and moved slowly into 25.
25 & 26 – Dismissed the fact that depression was not really a thing, got overwhelmed and even more depressed, attempted to end it all a couple times, clearly He had other plans for me, or I would not be sitting here writing this post. I thank all my stars and the heavens for watching over me and protecting me from myself. Why is it so hard for us to get out of our own way? 😛 So I asked out aloud (in my head while praying, yes I re-started praying around 25) for help. Ask and you shall receive! Meditation found me. Inner Engineering found me. Pam Grout found me. E-squared, E-cubed, The Secret, The Magic, The Power, everything and everyone found me. I started exercising this ask and you shall receive logic. The response was overwhelming and it was mostly out of the blue, un-explainable events, coincidences. I realized that we were all connected whether we liked it or not, and our connection with those we love was strong but the connection with those we hated was stronger. That scared me! I started focusing on love, love, love and more love. I found love, everywhere I went. even in offices and gyms where I only saw dread and despair before I started seeing love and light. Started the Whatsapp group and this blog and haven’t looked back since.
27-28-29 Through-out my journey so far, I have met so many wonderful incredible people that have helped shape me and have seen me grow. Every company I worked for had incredible people in it. They were forces of nature and they took me under their wings and taught me either how to be or how not to be! I am so grateful for every single person I worked with or came across elsewhere (like Rob and Anna from the gym who turned my outlook on life upside down!), that served a crucial role in my personal and professional growth.
Jeff was one of those people who showered unconditional love and was the most spiritual man I knew and he helped me “look beyond what you see” to an extent I cannot explain in words, he saw me grow as well and I never thanked him enough for that. So if you are reading this somehow Jeff, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Kevin was another wonderful soul that I worked with in my previous jobs that was a ray of sunshine. Literally! You could not be around him and have a bad day. No matter how much pain he was in or what he was going through, he ensured he never spread that around and all that came out of this human, was love.
My brother. 16 and alone. Made up his mind and took off. To hell with engineers! I am going to save lives! I still am astonished that my shy, timid little brother is going to become an M.D. in a couple months! His journey was something I missed a lot, I was never there in his teens, I was shocked to see how much he had grown every year I went home, I was never truly his support system this past decade and that is something I regret a lot. Hopefully this decade will bring more opportunities for us to bond!
My dad. Living alone can be difficult, it gets real lonely and dark some days and work is the only thing that keeps you busy. Knowing that your family is OK and you are going to meet them once this year is what keeps you going. These are somethings I have only experienced in the last 5 years. But never did I once stop to think my dad has been experiencing this for over 2 decades. Something I have taken for granted. A crime.
My mom. Someone I always took/take for granted. Someone I used to yell at when she served me rice instead of pizza and chocolate :p someone who I mocked for fasting and praying, someone who handles life like its no big whoop. My entire family has been away from each other for over 8 yrs now with my dad working abroad for over 20+ Yrs. She took care of us, was always there for us, cracked the whip when she had to and shaped my brother and I to who we have become now. The 4 of us are in 4 different time zones and yet should one of us have a bad day, the first person who knows it is mom and she has been the pillar of our lives. I have come to realize now, finally, that it is a crime to take kindness for granted. If someone is there for you no matter what, take a moment to say thank you and don’t ever take that for granted.
This was not going to be a long post. When I clicked “Write a new post” this evening, I was mortified. What would I write about? What would people think? Why should anyone care what I have to say? So I was going to copy paste a blog from 2016 and re-publish it. But I started the first sentence and I could not stop. Now I remember why I started this website.
I am excited and happy to enter this new chapter in my life. I am glad my 20’s was full of ups and downs and experiences I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would go through. But had all those things not happened, how would I be who I am now? 🙂
I welcome this decade with open arms, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me. I am hoping for a less bumpy ride (or a more smoother ride) this time around 😉