Phew! Back online 🙂 It has been crazy, the last 6 months, 9 to be accurate. I quit my last job with no new job in hand and ran on the treadmill till I passed out (literally!) everyday for months, till I got a face to face interview with another firm. Went to India the very same day I finished my interview and stayed there for about a month. I felt like I was living on edge! Nice condo and nice car both await me (or my payments) in Canada, no job offer in hand. Woohoo! the risk taker in me was living the dream. The cautious me was having a nervous breakdown every night 😉
Once I got the offer, flew back to Canada and started this job. It has definitely been quite the ride since then. What I have experienced and learnt, not just in terms of work but also in terms of the personal relationships I have developed with the people I am working with, is something that probably would have taken me years to learn, had I not jumped out the plane without a parachute (quitting a job without another one in hand). Like Steve Harvey says, ‘yea sometimes when you jump, the parachute don’t open right away.’ Those few (phew!) months surprisingly however, the HV in me was a 100% sure I was going to be OK. It told me to remain calm and breathe through these days. It said I was going to never again get this break for a while, so might as well take advantage of this time to myself and read and workout and cook and eat and take care of myself as I was about to get on a very exciting ride!
I never thought I would ever go back to having a roomie, here I am with a new room-mate who I work with! I was not sure I would be so compatible with someone who I could live with AND work with. I love it!
Looking back at the mental and emotional roller coaster ride I have been on the past couple months however, there is only one consistent feeling I have had.
Fear, the ‘F’ word we actually need to watch out for is defined by Google as
“An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”
If someone came and told me 6 years ago that most of the things I do in my life, was based on fear, I would not have taken that very well. I learn through experience and here I am. Most of the decisions I make come from passion or restlessness. Sometimes even impulsiveness but Fear seems to be a driving factor in most of the decision making process. Fear is disguised in many forms, so to define it, is like to define infinity (very convenient right?). Let’s assume I do narrow it down to one definition, even then it would only be my perspective of the F word. My experiences, my life lessons, my past, is what would make it ‘my’ definition. But there is a common denominator between all our definitions. The Feeling. No matter what your definition of fear be, no matter what causes it or how you react, the way we feel when fear takes over, is the same.
When I was a kid, I used to absolutely love to push my parent’s buttons. I always made it a point to put my toe outside the line, just enough to irritate them. I would dismember Barbie dolls, wait for a chance to sneak outside the house and run into my neighbor’s apartments, make an astounding number of friends, talk to strangers and get candy from them (I was smart enough to not eat it, I would just get them and show it to my parents so I could get them all wound up), I would get curious and grab a pair of scissors and cut my own hair, I would run throughout our apartment building and knock on every single door and announce that it was my birthday and that I was having a party and they should come and bring everyone they knew! My mom had no idea what I had been doing all afternoon, and she would be horrified at the number of people at our doorstep who were expecting cake and snacks! I remember this one birthday there was no room in our apartment, and there were people sitting outside on the stairs and in the corridors having cake. I, on the other hand, only saw the bright side of it. L-O-T-S of gifts!
Where did that kid go? Fearless, full of love, open and wildly inviting. As we grow older, the need to protect ourselves and our loved ones takes over and we start building that wall (the one Trump keeps talking about, except on a smaller scale), the wall that is supposed to protect us from the rest of the world. The wall that is supposed to keep us safe. What we fail to see is how that wall is keeping us from interacting with the rest of the world that is NOT out there to hurt us, but is just as deprived from love as we ourselves are.
Break open that wall that your ego built to protect the EV.
Let the HV out.
Find the kid in you.
Open yourself up, trust people.
We are all, but the same.